Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
