I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
