i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
