Where are you?
In a non slutty way
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
