Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
