It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
love makes seman taste better
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
