just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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