fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
