I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
