This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
