I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize