My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
