so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
