I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
