Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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