I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize