she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
