She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
