dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
