There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
