He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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