I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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