Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
