but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
