I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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