i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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