So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
