just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
