yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
