I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
