that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i've created a new STD.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
