remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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