The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
