jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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