Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
