We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I want her autograph on my taint
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
