He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
