at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
