I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
