He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize