can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
