are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Randomize
