I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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