I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
