Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
