already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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