It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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