My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
