She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
