Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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