I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
