Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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