I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
