This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
