The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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