i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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