she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
