don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
