I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
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