the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
