It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
