I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
