There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
