I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
