I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
